Reflecting on Loss and Family

I've just realized that I can use Superwhisper even while listening to music, which is quite cool. So the past few days, while my love was gone, I've been on a Nirvana binge. I'm listening to all of Nirvana's songs, even the outtakes like "Dailie," while working.

Currently, I'm sitting with quite a bad Edek. I get Edeks quite often, probably from working too much and doing too much. But yes, I have quite a nice working setup now, and I think I will start talking a bit about my family history, because this is what this blog is about.

I'm going to try and tell a story, but also I might use this as therapy to get over, or maybe fully grieve, or accept that my father has passed away. I don't know if I've actually grieved enough. Maybe working a lot is a way to avoid it. Also, there's everything that happened over the last year, where my mother had a really big scare at the hospital. I'll get into detail about this much later.

We almost lost her, and then luckily she survived and recovered. Then, in August, we lost my father due to a fatal stroke and other complications. So this is the first post where I'm not talking about Edek but about what happened. I'm also realizing as I write that I need to get a lot of my emotions and thoughts out. I haven't seen my school just in a while, so maybe this is a good way for me to do this, even though no one's listening. At least I'm getting my thoughts out and somewhere stored forever.

It would be interesting to look back on this when I'm 85 or 90 or 99, who knows? Because yes, I think we've been through quite a lot. I personally have been through a lot in my life. I think I've lived quite a few lives, more than most, in their own life. I've had a lot of experiences.

As I'm ending this post, I just want to say, fuck man, life is tough. This year was definitely the most difficult year of my life. I'm 36 now, and I've had quite terrible years before. Okay, I'm going to stop here.